Ooo this is good!! I feel a larger conversation here in general about living our lives online- fitting ourselves into boxes instead of just being who we are and allowing things to shift, evolve, and sometimes be “not cool”. I’ll be thinking about this a lot- thank you for sharing this Maura!
I think there's also an angle of personal style as brand identity in the era of everything is content. Your 3 words are hashtags for the algorithm, which is created to drive sales..... I want to love fashion and clothes but the capitalism of it all is bringing me down. I think that's why I prefer fashion and personal style in the wild IRL over the numerous fashion Susbtacks.
I can't help but think of that exchange from Parks and Rec:
Leslie Knope: That's not really the attitude I'd expect from an award winner.
Ron Swanson: Everything I do is the attitude of an award winner, because I've won an award.
Your personal style is what you wear by virtue of your wearing it. Maybe there are seasons of curation or periodic culling or some days with more intentionality than others. But everything you wear is yours. Perhaps it's better to find ourselves where we are.
the ‘coolest’ people, in my opinion, with the coolest style are the ones who truly do not care. they love this thing, they wear this thing. it’s raining so they put on a coat, the don’t like when their neck gets cold so they add a scarf. the rings they wear were collected along the path of living and now they’re just there — fixtures because they’re part of their life, not an aesthetic statement.
the more i get “offline” (aka social media/the hamster wheel of recycled trends) the less i care, consequently, the ‘cooler’ i get
Agree with this, and part of that “coolness” is confidence. I feel a lot more confidence during periods where I am scrolling social media a lot less. Being more offline makes me a lot less self conscious. I don’t even know if I necessarily look cooler, but I feel cooler.
Totally. There are older photos of me where I cringe because my outfit or hair looks weird to me now in hindsight, but I can remember that day and I genuinely felt like I looked cute. So I’d like to think that the air of confidence I projected meant I “pulled off” anyway!
I completely agree that personal style comes from actually living in your clothes, not from reading tips online. True style isn’t something you "find" on Pinterst or blogs or TikTok—it develops naturally as you wear what you love and figure out what feels right for you.
That said, I can’t help but feel that the whole “it’s not that serious” attitude often (even if unintentionally) dismisses fashion as something frivolous or unimportant. It’s a way of downplaying an interest that, for many, is deeply personal and meaningful.
It's OK to want to talk about personal style, explore ideas, and share what we learn about it.
Hi! When I, personally, say it’s not that deep it’s not in a dismissive nature at all. After all, fashion and beauty and lifestyle is what I’ve dedicated my career to. I also love interrogation, questioning, and learning. What I am over, though, is the obsession and frankly feelings of failure or not being enough that seemingly arise when one feels they don’t have personal style. The Discourse, capital D on purpose, is tiring and kind of distracting. It insinuates one HAS to dress a certain way (often a way the collective internet says is in, then changes their mind and says is out two weeks later).
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I completely agree. The way style is discussed online often makes it seem like there’s a “right” and “wrong” way to dress, which just reinforces that feeling of not being enough.
A lot of the content on “finding your personal style” is really just about fitting into whatever aesthetic is currently fashionable. I love that people are pushing back against that.
What I find frustrating, though, is that the pushback often ends up focusing on (and criticising) individuals rather than the actual issue, which is the homogenisation of fashion.
That’s where I struggle with the phrase “it’s not that deep.” It shuts down what could be a great discussion about fashion, personal style, and why we’re made to feel like the way we dress isn’t good enough.
I appreciate this perspective, thank you! I completely agree and think wholly dismissing discussions about it only delegitimizes fashion and style as an outlet/art form/industry/etc.
I’ve been thinking about this recently and decided I will be dead eventually and it doesn’t matter. I still like to look at clothes and it’s still hard to break all thought patterns, but I am done talking about personal style. Children are being blown to bits in various countries so whether or not I exude stylish millennial mom is just so unimportant. My kids are going to remember me for me and not my vintage Levi’s. Just wear the clothes. Live your life.
I like this. I’m also a mom of two little kids and I’ve been coming down hard on myself lately for how I’m “letting myself go” with how I’ve been dressing this winter. I’m home with my baby, and I have been wearing some version of a sweatshirt and sweatpants near daily. I’ve never been a fashion plate, but that used to be beyond the pale for me in public. Since becoming a mom of two though, I just… don’t care. I want to be warm, comfortable, and not worry about getting my clothes dirty or stained. I’ll sometimes promise myself that I’m going to look “cuter” tomorrow, but when I get dressed the next morning I am just so hard pressed to pull out my unforgiving Levi jeans when I’m just going to spend all day sitting on the floor with my baby and washing dishes, and maybe walking 3 blocks to the grocery store. There are certainly occasions where I take great care and joy out of getting dressed, but it’s just not everyday. And I think that’s fine? I do cringe at the idea that sweatpants is key to my “personal style”, but ideally we aren’t completely defined by our clothing. On a fundamental level, we HAVE to wear clothes. It’s like food, we all have to eat. Not every meal is going to be the healthiest, or most gourmet and interesting. Sometimes you eat a bologna sandwich because it’s there, and you need to eat lunch right now.
Fellow mom of 2 here and YES to this. I love the food analogy. Some meals are Michelin experiences and others are me drinking the Goldfish dust at the bottom of the bag — neither is morally “better” than the other!
I loved this. I just had a conversation with a friend (both of us mid-30s women) yesterday about making a conscious decision to “opt out” of the beauty/fashion rat race. This piece plucked a lot of the thoughts I couldn’t quite articulate — especially about the weird pressure social media creates — right out of my head! Moving forward with this perspective doesn’t mean forsaking the enjoyment of fashion, of dressing up, of having style. It just means I’m not going to dump copious amounts of money and energy into the effort anymore.
Maura this resonated so deeply! I wrote about a month ago that intuitive style is where it’s at - where we just listen to ourselves and get on with it, and I love the evolution of that concept to this, which is one about living more and analyzing less. Bravo!!!!
I feel like the pretentious effort of researching and pinning and shopping and all that is a way of maybe making the idle pleasure of looking at outfits online and daydreaming about different lifestyles seem more serious and important?
Wow, I love this theory. I’ve been getting back into Pinterest in a BIG way and have to remind myself it’s a great creative outlet but (as ever) not real life!
as someone who overthinks absolutely every article of clothing I put on my body and is constantly chastising myself for “not having better style” this really resonated. thank you for sharing 🤍
Thanks for sharing 🙏🏼 also a mom of two young kids and my clothes basically just see the playground or the groceries store, but still, it’s a life worth dressing for ♥️
Totally agree here with how tiring the rat race is — it feels as though it’s only going to get worse with creator marketing SURGING right now (hundreds of millions of dollars of venture captors funding in the past month…). The cookie cutter, product pushing is only going to get more ingrained. Here’s where Substack can exist as a beautiful platform devoid of product-pushing influence . . . The content I love is reading about idiosyncratic style . . . Think Iris Apfel. I still deeply care about and resonate with style; it can be inspiring in an age where sameness is the default.
Ooo this is good!! I feel a larger conversation here in general about living our lives online- fitting ourselves into boxes instead of just being who we are and allowing things to shift, evolve, and sometimes be “not cool”. I’ll be thinking about this a lot- thank you for sharing this Maura!
This is so astute, thank you for this 🤍 more living offline in 2025 please
I think there's also an angle of personal style as brand identity in the era of everything is content. Your 3 words are hashtags for the algorithm, which is created to drive sales..... I want to love fashion and clothes but the capitalism of it all is bringing me down. I think that's why I prefer fashion and personal style in the wild IRL over the numerous fashion Susbtacks.
Well said! Everything 🙃 is 🙃 content 🙃
sweet RELIEF. I wrangled over those 3 style words without conclusion 🤣
You’re not alone!!! They have truly kept me up at night 🙃
SAME. The pressure!!
It’s tooooooo much
I can't help but think of that exchange from Parks and Rec:
Leslie Knope: That's not really the attitude I'd expect from an award winner.
Ron Swanson: Everything I do is the attitude of an award winner, because I've won an award.
Your personal style is what you wear by virtue of your wearing it. Maybe there are seasons of curation or periodic culling or some days with more intentionality than others. But everything you wear is yours. Perhaps it's better to find ourselves where we are.
I love this wow
singing to my soul! 🎶
the ‘coolest’ people, in my opinion, with the coolest style are the ones who truly do not care. they love this thing, they wear this thing. it’s raining so they put on a coat, the don’t like when their neck gets cold so they add a scarf. the rings they wear were collected along the path of living and now they’re just there — fixtures because they’re part of their life, not an aesthetic statement.
the more i get “offline” (aka social media/the hamster wheel of recycled trends) the less i care, consequently, the ‘cooler’ i get
This is such a thoughtful observation. We all need to care just a little (read: a lot) less imo! Thank you x
Agree with this, and part of that “coolness” is confidence. I feel a lot more confidence during periods where I am scrolling social media a lot less. Being more offline makes me a lot less self conscious. I don’t even know if I necessarily look cooler, but I feel cooler.
This is soooooo true. And like, 99% of coolness is your energy so this take makes a ton of sense (the other 1% is how Olsen-adjacent you look imo)
Totally. There are older photos of me where I cringe because my outfit or hair looks weird to me now in hindsight, but I can remember that day and I genuinely felt like I looked cute. So I’d like to think that the air of confidence I projected meant I “pulled off” anyway!
love that take!
I completely agree that personal style comes from actually living in your clothes, not from reading tips online. True style isn’t something you "find" on Pinterst or blogs or TikTok—it develops naturally as you wear what you love and figure out what feels right for you.
That said, I can’t help but feel that the whole “it’s not that serious” attitude often (even if unintentionally) dismisses fashion as something frivolous or unimportant. It’s a way of downplaying an interest that, for many, is deeply personal and meaningful.
It's OK to want to talk about personal style, explore ideas, and share what we learn about it.
Hi! When I, personally, say it’s not that deep it’s not in a dismissive nature at all. After all, fashion and beauty and lifestyle is what I’ve dedicated my career to. I also love interrogation, questioning, and learning. What I am over, though, is the obsession and frankly feelings of failure or not being enough that seemingly arise when one feels they don’t have personal style. The Discourse, capital D on purpose, is tiring and kind of distracting. It insinuates one HAS to dress a certain way (often a way the collective internet says is in, then changes their mind and says is out two weeks later).
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I completely agree. The way style is discussed online often makes it seem like there’s a “right” and “wrong” way to dress, which just reinforces that feeling of not being enough.
A lot of the content on “finding your personal style” is really just about fitting into whatever aesthetic is currently fashionable. I love that people are pushing back against that.
What I find frustrating, though, is that the pushback often ends up focusing on (and criticising) individuals rather than the actual issue, which is the homogenisation of fashion.
That’s where I struggle with the phrase “it’s not that deep.” It shuts down what could be a great discussion about fashion, personal style, and why we’re made to feel like the way we dress isn’t good enough.
Thank you again for sharing your thoughts.
I appreciate this perspective, thank you! I completely agree and think wholly dismissing discussions about it only delegitimizes fashion and style as an outlet/art form/industry/etc.
I’ve been thinking about this recently and decided I will be dead eventually and it doesn’t matter. I still like to look at clothes and it’s still hard to break all thought patterns, but I am done talking about personal style. Children are being blown to bits in various countries so whether or not I exude stylish millennial mom is just so unimportant. My kids are going to remember me for me and not my vintage Levi’s. Just wear the clothes. Live your life.
I like this. I’m also a mom of two little kids and I’ve been coming down hard on myself lately for how I’m “letting myself go” with how I’ve been dressing this winter. I’m home with my baby, and I have been wearing some version of a sweatshirt and sweatpants near daily. I’ve never been a fashion plate, but that used to be beyond the pale for me in public. Since becoming a mom of two though, I just… don’t care. I want to be warm, comfortable, and not worry about getting my clothes dirty or stained. I’ll sometimes promise myself that I’m going to look “cuter” tomorrow, but when I get dressed the next morning I am just so hard pressed to pull out my unforgiving Levi jeans when I’m just going to spend all day sitting on the floor with my baby and washing dishes, and maybe walking 3 blocks to the grocery store. There are certainly occasions where I take great care and joy out of getting dressed, but it’s just not everyday. And I think that’s fine? I do cringe at the idea that sweatpants is key to my “personal style”, but ideally we aren’t completely defined by our clothing. On a fundamental level, we HAVE to wear clothes. It’s like food, we all have to eat. Not every meal is going to be the healthiest, or most gourmet and interesting. Sometimes you eat a bologna sandwich because it’s there, and you need to eat lunch right now.
Fellow mom of 2 here and YES to this. I love the food analogy. Some meals are Michelin experiences and others are me drinking the Goldfish dust at the bottom of the bag — neither is morally “better” than the other!
I loved this. I just had a conversation with a friend (both of us mid-30s women) yesterday about making a conscious decision to “opt out” of the beauty/fashion rat race. This piece plucked a lot of the thoughts I couldn’t quite articulate — especially about the weird pressure social media creates — right out of my head! Moving forward with this perspective doesn’t mean forsaking the enjoyment of fashion, of dressing up, of having style. It just means I’m not going to dump copious amounts of money and energy into the effort anymore.
Simply love to “opt out” 😌 thanks for reading!
Maura this resonated so deeply! I wrote about a month ago that intuitive style is where it’s at - where we just listen to ourselves and get on with it, and I love the evolution of that concept to this, which is one about living more and analyzing less. Bravo!!!!
This is so kind of you 🤍 I appreciate this very much x
Love this piece hate that I know that robe is from Tekla. 🙃
Oh yeah Tekla for sure girl
I love this so much!
I feel like the pretentious effort of researching and pinning and shopping and all that is a way of maybe making the idle pleasure of looking at outfits online and daydreaming about different lifestyles seem more serious and important?
Wow, I love this theory. I’ve been getting back into Pinterest in a BIG way and have to remind myself it’s a great creative outlet but (as ever) not real life!
It's fun, and that's good all by itself!
as someone who overthinks absolutely every article of clothing I put on my body and is constantly chastising myself for “not having better style” this really resonated. thank you for sharing 🤍
I feel that so hard. Thanks for reading xx
Thanks for sharing 🙏🏼 also a mom of two young kids and my clothes basically just see the playground or the groceries store, but still, it’s a life worth dressing for ♥️
Yes it is!!! x
Totally agree here with how tiring the rat race is — it feels as though it’s only going to get worse with creator marketing SURGING right now (hundreds of millions of dollars of venture captors funding in the past month…). The cookie cutter, product pushing is only going to get more ingrained. Here’s where Substack can exist as a beautiful platform devoid of product-pushing influence . . . The content I love is reading about idiosyncratic style . . . Think Iris Apfel. I still deeply care about and resonate with style; it can be inspiring in an age where sameness is the default.
I love this take. Iris left us at the precipice of a really interesting stylistic time with a lot of tension every which way around this convo!
I resonate with this on a soul level 👏🏼 how I’ve toiled over my 3 defining words as if I’m stuck with them for life??
Truly. It’s just not a big deal!
I loveee this. Not to mention the current evolution of personal style as ONLINE, shareable style— for others, not for the self! What are we doing!
Literally what are we doooooiiinnnggg!