Ooo this is good!! I feel a larger conversation here in general about living our lives online- fitting ourselves into boxes instead of just being who we are and allowing things to shift, evolve, and sometimes be “not cool”. I’ll be thinking about this a lot- thank you for sharing this Maura!
I think there's also an angle of personal style as brand identity in the era of everything is content. Your 3 words are hashtags for the algorithm, which is created to drive sales..... I want to love fashion and clothes but the capitalism of it all is bringing me down. I think that's why I prefer fashion and personal style in the wild IRL over the numerous fashion Susbtacks.
Maura this resonated so deeply! I wrote about a month ago that intuitive style is where it’s at - where we just listen to ourselves and get on with it, and I love the evolution of that concept to this, which is one about living more and analyzing less. Bravo!!!!
I completely agree that personal style comes from actually living in your clothes, not from reading tips online. True style isn’t something you "find" on Pinterst or blogs or TikTok—it develops naturally as you wear what you love and figure out what feels right for you.
That said, I can’t help but feel that the whole “it’s not that serious” attitude often (even if unintentionally) dismisses fashion as something frivolous or unimportant. It’s a way of downplaying an interest that, for many, is deeply personal and meaningful.
It's OK to want to talk about personal style, explore ideas, and share what we learn about it.
Hi! When I, personally, say it’s not that deep it’s not in a dismissive nature at all. After all, fashion and beauty and lifestyle is what I’ve dedicated my career to. I also love interrogation, questioning, and learning. What I am over, though, is the obsession and frankly feelings of failure or not being enough that seemingly arise when one feels they don’t have personal style. The Discourse, capital D on purpose, is tiring and kind of distracting. It insinuates one HAS to dress a certain way (often a way the collective internet says is in, then changes their mind and says is out two weeks later).
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I completely agree. The way style is discussed online often makes it seem like there’s a “right” and “wrong” way to dress, which just reinforces that feeling of not being enough.
A lot of the content on “finding your personal style” is really just about fitting into whatever aesthetic is currently fashionable. I love that people are pushing back against that.
What I find frustrating, though, is that the pushback often ends up focusing on (and criticising) individuals rather than the actual issue, which is the homogenisation of fashion.
That’s where I struggle with the phrase “it’s not that deep.” It shuts down what could be a great discussion about fashion, personal style, and why we’re made to feel like the way we dress isn’t good enough.
I appreciate this perspective, thank you! I completely agree and think wholly dismissing discussions about it only delegitimizes fashion and style as an outlet/art form/industry/etc.
I loved this. I just had a conversation with a friend (both of us mid-30s women) yesterday about making a conscious decision to “opt out” of the beauty/fashion rat race. This piece plucked a lot of the thoughts I couldn’t quite articulate — especially about the weird pressure social media creates — right out of my head! Moving forward with this perspective doesn’t mean forsaking the enjoyment of fashion, of dressing up, of having style. It just means I’m not going to dump copious amounts of money and energy into the effort anymore.
I feel like the pretentious effort of researching and pinning and shopping and all that is a way of maybe making the idle pleasure of looking at outfits online and daydreaming about different lifestyles seem more serious and important?
Wow, I love this theory. I’ve been getting back into Pinterest in a BIG way and have to remind myself it’s a great creative outlet but (as ever) not real life!
I whole heartedly agree and as a mom of 2 kids under 3, I’m finding that throwing on clothes with not much thought actually results in more interesting outfits!
This is so interesting to me! I totally agree RE: personal style should fit our life, not the other way around. And also, I've (largely) really enjoyed writing & podcasting about personal style, at least compared to primarily ingesting other people's content for many years before that. I'm now toying with the idea of just *journaling on paper* instead of journaling "for Substack" when those feelings do come up. In any case, more power to you stepping away, I feel that!
I definitely have a personal style. BUT, it developed naturally over the years. I'm in my 50's and I think it mirrors my personality. It's hard to describe in words but I know it because I feel balanced. I'm not saying every single day, I throw a fantastic outfit together, but I usually come up with ones that feel good and therefore I feel I look good. I do not watch TikTok or other social media fashion/style posters or influencers because I don't think we can develop personal style that way. Just as Maura says, we have to really live in the world to know what makes us feel good-clothing included.
(My addiction to all things denim is another conversation)
Ooo this is good!! I feel a larger conversation here in general about living our lives online- fitting ourselves into boxes instead of just being who we are and allowing things to shift, evolve, and sometimes be “not cool”. I’ll be thinking about this a lot- thank you for sharing this Maura!
This is so astute, thank you for this 🤍 more living offline in 2025 please
I think there's also an angle of personal style as brand identity in the era of everything is content. Your 3 words are hashtags for the algorithm, which is created to drive sales..... I want to love fashion and clothes but the capitalism of it all is bringing me down. I think that's why I prefer fashion and personal style in the wild IRL over the numerous fashion Susbtacks.
Well said! Everything 🙃 is 🙃 content 🙃
Maura this resonated so deeply! I wrote about a month ago that intuitive style is where it’s at - where we just listen to ourselves and get on with it, and I love the evolution of that concept to this, which is one about living more and analyzing less. Bravo!!!!
This is so kind of you 🤍 I appreciate this very much x
I completely agree that personal style comes from actually living in your clothes, not from reading tips online. True style isn’t something you "find" on Pinterst or blogs or TikTok—it develops naturally as you wear what you love and figure out what feels right for you.
That said, I can’t help but feel that the whole “it’s not that serious” attitude often (even if unintentionally) dismisses fashion as something frivolous or unimportant. It’s a way of downplaying an interest that, for many, is deeply personal and meaningful.
It's OK to want to talk about personal style, explore ideas, and share what we learn about it.
Hi! When I, personally, say it’s not that deep it’s not in a dismissive nature at all. After all, fashion and beauty and lifestyle is what I’ve dedicated my career to. I also love interrogation, questioning, and learning. What I am over, though, is the obsession and frankly feelings of failure or not being enough that seemingly arise when one feels they don’t have personal style. The Discourse, capital D on purpose, is tiring and kind of distracting. It insinuates one HAS to dress a certain way (often a way the collective internet says is in, then changes their mind and says is out two weeks later).
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I completely agree. The way style is discussed online often makes it seem like there’s a “right” and “wrong” way to dress, which just reinforces that feeling of not being enough.
A lot of the content on “finding your personal style” is really just about fitting into whatever aesthetic is currently fashionable. I love that people are pushing back against that.
What I find frustrating, though, is that the pushback often ends up focusing on (and criticising) individuals rather than the actual issue, which is the homogenisation of fashion.
That’s where I struggle with the phrase “it’s not that deep.” It shuts down what could be a great discussion about fashion, personal style, and why we’re made to feel like the way we dress isn’t good enough.
Thank you again for sharing your thoughts.
I appreciate this perspective, thank you! I completely agree and think wholly dismissing discussions about it only delegitimizes fashion and style as an outlet/art form/industry/etc.
sweet RELIEF. I wrangled over those 3 style words without conclusion 🤣
You’re not alone!!! They have truly kept me up at night 🙃
Love this piece hate that I know that robe is from Tekla. 🙃
Oh yeah Tekla for sure girl
I loved this. I just had a conversation with a friend (both of us mid-30s women) yesterday about making a conscious decision to “opt out” of the beauty/fashion rat race. This piece plucked a lot of the thoughts I couldn’t quite articulate — especially about the weird pressure social media creates — right out of my head! Moving forward with this perspective doesn’t mean forsaking the enjoyment of fashion, of dressing up, of having style. It just means I’m not going to dump copious amounts of money and energy into the effort anymore.
Simply love to “opt out” 😌 thanks for reading!
I love this so much!
I feel like the pretentious effort of researching and pinning and shopping and all that is a way of maybe making the idle pleasure of looking at outfits online and daydreaming about different lifestyles seem more serious and important?
Wow, I love this theory. I’ve been getting back into Pinterest in a BIG way and have to remind myself it’s a great creative outlet but (as ever) not real life!
It's fun, and that's good all by itself!
I whole heartedly agree and as a mom of 2 kids under 3, I’m finding that throwing on clothes with not much thought actually results in more interesting outfits!
2 under 3 here too 🙏🏼 Couldn’t agree more x
💞💞💞💞
My girl 🤍 thank you for saving my sanity ily!!!
This is so interesting to me! I totally agree RE: personal style should fit our life, not the other way around. And also, I've (largely) really enjoyed writing & podcasting about personal style, at least compared to primarily ingesting other people's content for many years before that. I'm now toying with the idea of just *journaling on paper* instead of journaling "for Substack" when those feelings do come up. In any case, more power to you stepping away, I feel that!
This is such a good point, and a reminder of just how critical analog can be for our creative juices. Thank you 🤍
Agreed! Cheers to not taking things so seriously in 2025
Cheers!!!
When we're in the last days of life, we likely won't look back on what we wore!
I definitely have a personal style. BUT, it developed naturally over the years. I'm in my 50's and I think it mirrors my personality. It's hard to describe in words but I know it because I feel balanced. I'm not saying every single day, I throw a fantastic outfit together, but I usually come up with ones that feel good and therefore I feel I look good. I do not watch TikTok or other social media fashion/style posters or influencers because I don't think we can develop personal style that way. Just as Maura says, we have to really live in the world to know what makes us feel good-clothing included.
(My addiction to all things denim is another conversation)